So, those of you who know me... or those of you who have been reading the blog for a while, know that since last August I have been doing Healer Training (you can read more about what that is here). I have know David for a while and had been doing the breathwork meditation but finally took the leap last August and started doing the training.
And last weekend was the final level, and it is held in Joshua Tree every June. It was amazing! I can't even express in words how much I have grown and how profoundly this work has changed my life, but I can say that I have never been happier and I have grown into the person I always wanted to be. And it hasn't been easy, but I have done it with love, and I am really proud of all the work I have done to get here. And it was wonderful to experience last weekend with the community that has become my family. I am forever grateful for David, and to Ann who introduced me to him eight years ago.
I wanted to share some photos took during the weekend.
Sunset at Jumbo Rock
Eliza, River, Nathaniel, Lisa and me
Hiking into Joshua Tree for the closing ceremony on Sunday night
We all wrote down commitments we wanted to make with the universe, and we brought them with us to the ceremony and put them under this huge rock where there are years and years of intentions and dreams and wisdom. This was the front of mine, and my commitment is in the inside.
I had had a hard and emotional day, but I was so happy to be sitting barefoot on a rock in the middle of the park with so many beautiful souls.
We celebrated by sharing in song and dance and performance, it was amazing to be witness to so much talent and love.
my little cabin at 29 Palms, in the setting sun and under the New Moon.
some writing I did before I left on Monday
This weekend I feel like I have grieved for a part of myself I have been holding on to my whole life. And this feeling is new to me. To let go from a higher place, a place of knowing. To let go out of choice. To reach for something more amazing, and true.
All throughout our lives we are changing and shifting; things we once did or liked are no longer. We naturally move through time growing and letting go, at times with out ever realizing we are doing it.
This weekend I mourned for a part of myself that no longer serves me. It was painful, and I was kicking and screaming about it. Fighting the universe, begging it to let me keep it around, in case. In case I need it, or perhaps because it is just more comfortable.
I know by letting go of it I will be stepping into something profound. A space where this old part of me does not belong. A place of greatness and power and magic. A place where possibilities lie in the unknown. A place of expansion and love. I surrendered the part of me that is still playing small and playing safe. I surrendered the part of me that turns away when faced with her own power. I surrendered the doubt and fear I hold. I surrendered the cloak I have been wearing that has been passed down from woman to woman in my lineage – the one that has been needed by them. The one that was sewn from the belief that women are powerful and therefore dangerous, and to survive you must go unseen and unheard.
I tossed it into the fire, transforming it. Freeing it. As I no longer need it.
I leave all of that here, with you, my dear friend the desert. I leave it with you under your hot sun and in your dry earth. I know you are no stranger to the intensities of life. I am grateful to you for giving me the space to let go. I am grateful for your gentleness with me this weekend, and also for your insistent push. Your warm winds rushing to and through me, clearing this. I felt the magnetism of the earth pulling it from my body as I laid on your rocks. It’s just energy, thank you for taking it, and transforming it, allowing me to transcend it.
Today I leave you, my dear desert, with a new skin. Like a snake that has shed a layer, I cast off the old, and emerge anew. I feel your energy pulsing through me. Your sun kisses my face and sends me on my way.
Today I sparkle.
I shatter solid form, breaking through to the unseen.
I shine light where there is darkness.