Wednesday, June 27th, Capricorn, 9:52 pm PST
I am on my annual summer road trip through the southwest, looking for rocks and minerals, relaxing, thinking, reading, swimming, sunning. I feel incredibly lucky to have found my way to a lavender farm, and was walking in the fields at sunset tonight, watching the sky grow darker and moon grow brighter, talking to my best friend about control and surrender.
On the road I don't bring music, or books on tape, but I do do a lot of thinking while driving. I do a lot of thinking in my dreams too, I found a note on my phone this morning that I wrote to myself at 4:34 am, all it says is "chakra sweatshirts". You'll be able to find them in the shop as soon as I can figure out what that is. But, back to the point. While driving through the painted desert yesterday afternoon, passing all the trading posts and truck stops, I thought a lot about how controlled my life is. All the ways I control myself, my energy, my experience, peoples experience of me, etc... Even when I think I am not controlling, I am. And the thing is, we all control so much of ourselves. In a way everything about us is controlled. Controlled by patterns we don't even know are there. And even if you do know they are there there are times when you find yourself in them at the snap of a finger.
How do you get out of it?
"You have to surrender", my wise friend said, to me tonight.
"Ugh, I know, and my mind plays tricks on me, saying that if I surrender to it it will just get worse. That the controlling / pattern will run wild! Get bigger!"
But, he's right. It's time to surrender.
Surrendering doesn't mean giving into it, or indulging it.
When we stop controlling, and instead surrender, that is when something NEW can happen.
When we control we can not shift things.
This is where our mind can not understand. We so badly want to change things, but change doesn't come from controlling. It comes from surrendering. We can not determine how things will go, or the outcome. We have to surrender to the pattern to walk through it to the other side, in which we have NO idea what will be waiting for us. That's the good news (and the scary part).
So that's where we are.
I urge you to return to the last post about Pluto. Those lessons are still very much running the show. And if you are avoiding where your soul is pointing it's gonna get ugly. Our souls are not interested in making things comfortable and nice for us. They want growth. And they will do everything in their power to ensure this happens. It's unavoidable. So the more you resist it, try to get out of it, put it off, make excuses, don't take responsibility for it, the worse it's going to get for you until you have no choice. Look at what your lesson with Pluto is from that last post. I guarantee this is what is right in your face right now. Don't avoid it. Don't control it. Surrender to it. Drop down into it and you will start to feel an energy guiding you through it.
Africa - A Zangbeto mask whirls and rises high before a village audience.
Atakora Plateau, Benin